I’ve had some fun doing the work for this blog. If you’re in the habit of defining “fun” as “being a massive geek.”
Recently I’ve tried learning a bit of Malayalam. That’s the Indian language spoken in the state of Kerala, where I am right now (Kerala is fantastic by the way). It’s a hard language to learn, make no mistake. There are 56 letters in the Malayalam alphabet and they are all basically squiggles, similar to Arabic or Hebrew. (Well probably not similar to Arabic or Hebrew at all – but they are definitely all squiggles.)
Now if you’re like me you will probably have failed to realise that the word “Malayalam” spells the same backwards as it does forwards. Brilliant eh? It’s a palindrome, like “Madam I’m Adam” or if you want a really impressive one “Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era”. Malayalam must be the only language in the world which is a palindrome. Award yourself one large pat on the back if you did spot it. Two pats on the back if you can find another language which is a palindrome.
When the penny finally dropped (when I read about it in a book) I started looking a lot more closely at the letters of the words I was reading. Not for long of course – I’ll no doubt go back to being incredibly unobservant before too long – but long enough to seeing things I wouldn’t usually see in the words I was reading. I started seeing anagrams and before too long I was making anagrams out of people’s names, Richard Stilgo style but without the beard.
Then I just cheated and bust out an online anagram builder and shoved a few famous poker names in there. And this is how I enjoyed so many hours of mirth filled geekery. Here are some of the less offensive ones, although I must apologise to Andy Black –Andrew Black for these purposes – nearly all of whose are grossly unfair to him. I’ve tried to factor in some poker terminology where I can, but other times I just blatantly haven’t.
Daniel Negreanu could have just skipped the National Heads Up Championship and gone to do whatever alternative thing it was he had to do, but instead he went online almost in tears to explain to the world why he’d be skipping it – without explaining what it was he was doing in lieu of playing. NICE ONE. But during the 8 minute video he mentioned he wanted to be a good husband and father one day, so that’s one in the eye to all those who’ve been saying for years that he’s a self loathing queen. Yep, he’s a “Near Genuine Lad”. Or was he emotional because his “Angina Unreeled”? Or could it be the curse of the “Ruined Anal Gene” striking again? Aw, bless poor Daniel, poor saintly Daniel the “Dearie Angel Nun”. Perhaps that’s an anagram he’d be pleased with. After all he does appear to be “Genuine and Real”.
Not so his bezzie mate though – the very ingenuine and unreal Erick Lingdren needs no introduction but he’ll get one anyway: the man who owes money to every other poker player in the known universe, as well everyone he knows in general and who is currently in rehab.
If you lent him money (I think I’m in the 1% of human beings that he doesn’t owe money to) you’d be a “Ricking Lender” but when he’s out of rehab, who knows, he might become a “Nickel Grinder” to pay you back. If he doesn’t pay his debts he’ll be doing quite a bit of “Redneck Riling”.
“Neil Channing” has been known to bluff, but is he a member of the “Nine High Clan”? Nine high is better than 8 high, however. In a way, that’s “Enhancing Nil” I suppose.
“Marvin Rettenmaier” had an excellent 2012, knocking out player after player at the showdown. You could call him “Terminate Man River” and for his vanquished opponents it’d be a case of “Meantime Rant River”
Roland de Wolfe has got a great name full stop but it’s brilliant for this caper. If this “Adorned Fellow” had a Twitter account would it be harsh to say he was something of “A Followed Nerd”? I don’t think he’s ever been called a “Fallowed Drone” before though (well not until now). “Dealer Fold Won” and “Leader Fold Now” also popped out when I entered his name.
The name “Carlos Mortensen” had the right mix of vowels and consonants to produce “Mr Ron Loses a Cent” and “Monster Ran Close”, both of which I liked.
Eoghan O’Dea was “One Go Ahead” of the rest in the 2011 WSOP but 2010 winner “Jonathan Duhamel” wasn’t so lucky away from the tables. His ex girlfriend had him beaten up in a home robbery and his WSOP bracelet got stolen along with a load of readies from his safe. The instructions to her henchmen must have been to “Hate and Maul John”
The Great Dane “Gus Hansen” rearranges as “Nun Gashes” and there’s probably no more that needs to be said about the new face of Full Tilt Poker.
I feel sorry for Andy “Andrew” Black because when I entered his name all manner of unflattering anagrams came flooding out: He was variously “A Bland Wreck”, a “Raw Bald Neck” who “Lacked Brawn”. He’d probably be up for a bit of “Deck an Brawl” when he catches up with me for bring this to people’s attention.
And speaking of “flooding out”, “Liam Flood” wouldn’t be quite so mild if you called him “A Mild Fool”. I think the “Gentleman” would prefer the handle “Lad of Limo”.
I had some great fun with “Padraig Parkinson”. Oh yes. And so many of the anagrams were drink related, such as “Sir Pop Drank Again” and “Pagan Pro Said Rink !” (say it quick and it sounds like “drink”). He probably wouldn’t appreciate the “A Dank Aspiring Pro” moniker but I’m certain he’d prefer:
“Pro Drank Sip Again” to “Pro Drank Pis Again”
Yevgeniy Timoshenko wouldn’t be keen to admit that “Hygiene Took my Veins”. He also turned out to be the “Honkey Eyeing Motives” and “One Shiny Geeky Vomit”, among about a billion other permutations.
So finally I turned the machine onto myself, writing “Freddie Mays” into the evil little machine – which instantly decreed I was a “Faded Misery”. That’s a harsh! But there was one Mark Fowler would have liked. It did at least say it would
“Defer My AIDS”
So that’s nice to know. For about a billion years preferably?